The Huge Difference Between Can't and Won't
Chew on this.
Great leaders don’t succeed because they are great.
They succeed because they bring out the best in others.
I absolutely LOVE this insight because it captures what the great game of leadership is all about.
With this in mind, repeat after me…
“As Leaders of Light, our job is to bring out the best in others.”
Scratch that—we can do better.
“As Leaders of Light, our job is to bring out the VERY best in others.”
Said differently, at a bare minimum, we (you and me together!) need to be ultra-positive cheerleaders—the kind that inspire people to put their time, talent, and treasures to work for the singular purpose of putting a dent in the universe (RIP Steve Jobs!).
It also means that we need to be doing everything we can to provide people with BIG, HAIRY, AUDACIOUS, BREATHTAKING opportunities—the kind of prospects that have the potential to change an individual’s career growth and/or trajectory!
Last but not least, it means that we need to be working hard to find the perfect ratio of “challenge” to “support” for every single person in our charge (just think about that for a moment—WOW).
Inspiring stuff indeed.
And now for the violent torpedo of truth.
(Yep, when it comes to leadership, there is ALWAYS a violent torpedo of truth.)
Here it is.
This Leading with Light stuff, well, it’s a lot harder than it looks—especially when people are struggling.
Now here’s the deal.
Anyone can lead when things are going smoothly and everyone is dialed-in and on track.
But the real test of leadership comes when people get stuck in second gear and they can’t seem to find a way to get up to speed.
To help them shine, we need to have the right magic in our bag of tricks.
So where’s the best place to begin when those in our charge are struggling?
Great question!
Let’s dive in.
When Someone Is Struggling, All Great Leadership Begins With This Question: Can’t or Won’t?
If you want to bring out their very best in someone who is struggling to shine. You first have to ask this question: Can’t or won’t?
And the difference between these two questions is HUGE.
Let’s Start With Can’t
In a nutshell, when someone says they “can’t” do something, it almost always implies that the person has the necessary desire to get back on track; they are just lacking access to the right resources and support that will help them to get the job done.
For example, when one of your people says, “I’m trying, but I just can’t seem to get over the hump,” it usually means they’re lacking a specific skillset (e.g., computer skills, human interaction skills, time-management skills, etc.) and, if they possessed these skills, they could most likely be successful with respect to the task at hand.
If this is the case, your job as their leader is to give them the training—and encouragement—that they need.
But, when it comes to “can’t,” not everything is just a skills-based struggle. Sometimes people will tell you, “I can’t do this because I don’t have the right tools!”
If this is the case, it’s on you to get them the things they need to be successful.
Still, others will say, “I can’t do this because I have too many competing priorities and I don’t know what you want from me!”
If this is the case, you need to reiterate your expectations in a way that’s crystal clear—and then show them exactly what the priority is and what “done” looks like.
And while there is a litany of reasons why people “can’t” get things done, it’s essential that you understand it’s not a desire issue, it’s a resource one.
And it’s your job to get those who are struggling with “can’t” the things they need to be successful.
Now Let’s Turn Our Attention To “Won’t.”
While “can’t” implies a resource problem, “won’t” is a desire problem—and this is an entirely different beast.
Now don’t miss this.
When someone in your charge is struggling and tells you (in word or in deed), “I’m not gonna do this,” you (as a Leader of Light!) need to radically rethink your leadership approach.
In fact, when someone say’s “I won’t do what you are asking of me,” you can provide them with all the resources in the world, but the answer is still going to be the same.
So, what’s the best way to handle “won’t”?
Believe it or not, as a Leader of Light, you have some pretty powerful approaches at your disposal (and NO, raising your voice is not one of them).
First, start with articulating the “WHY.”
Tell them “why” you want them to do this specific task. What’s the benefit to the organization? To the customer? To themselves?
Hear me loud and clear.
If I’ve learned anything in my 40 years of leadership, it’s this: Never, ever neglect the power of “why.”
In fact, it’s a ridiculously effective motivator—and without it, a lot of people are going to refuse to hop on your bus.
But there are even more options that can help you (as a Leader of Light!) overcome “won’t.”
Maybe the person perceives there’s no positive benefit for them to take on this task. If that’s the case, maybe an incentive will do the trick.
On the other hand, maybe there’s no consequence for not doing the task.
And while no one likes to go down this road, maybe it’s what the situation requires.
Or maybe the person believes that their approach is better.
If so, it might be worthwhile to give them the opportunity to prove it.
But here’s the deal.
As a Leader of Light, I have all kinds of time for “can’t.”
As long as someone shows initiative and demonstrates the genuine desire to get better, I’m all in.
I WILL NOT give up on that person.
In fact, I’m going to do everything I can to help them to be successful.
However, when people routinely dig in their heels and fight me every step of the way—even when they understand the “why” and have crystal clear expectations and all the right training, tools, resources—my patience is limited.
Don’t get me wrong.
I will do my best to get them back on track.
But unlike “can’t,” there is a very real end to “won’t.”
Leading with LIGHT
Never forget, there is a BIG difference between “can’t” and “won’t.
One is a resource problem. The other is a lack of desire.
As a Leader of Light, it’s our job to find ways to get our people more (and better!) resources.
It doesn’t matter if we have to beg and borrow, this is what we need to do to help those on the team shine.
What’s more, we should fully embrace this responsibility—in fact, it’s part and parcel of great leadership.
However, try as we may, we cannot create desire.
Sure, there are a few things we can do to maybe bring it to the surface (e.g., articulate the “WHY,” provide incentives, set consequences, etc.).
But at the end of the day, we simply can’t place true desire in other people’s heart.
When it comes to “won’t”—and you’ve exhausted your options—sometimes you have to help people find a better fit in another organization.
It’s never easy—and it’s certainly not fun. But, for the good of the organization, we simply have to do it.
But take heart in this.
When we seek to bring out the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.
And that’s always good for everyone around us.
Until next time.
See light. Be light. And spread light in ways that only you can.
Until Next Time...
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About Lead with Light
Lead with Light is an initiative that aims to equip current and emerging leaders with a reimagined approach to servant leadership.
Our ultimate vision is to grow and develop thousands of Leaders of Light to ignite a movement to see light, be light, and spread light in ways only each can.